I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
