I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
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