Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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