CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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