Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
