I must be too annoying 4 u.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
