i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
