Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
