You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
she pinky promised me she was 18
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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