I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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