She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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