Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
