Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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