just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
