hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
