its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
