The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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