I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
