I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Randomize
