just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
