dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
