Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Randomize
