This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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