I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
