5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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