I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
