i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
