Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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