So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
