She went from zero to smokin in five shots
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
he laminated a picture of his dick.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
