I just pynch a tree in the face
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
this hospital has no fireball
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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