I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize