He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
