If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
