I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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