So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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