actually, I'm a sock model
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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