My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
