She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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