I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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