So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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