If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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