I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize