I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
