ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she pinky promised me she was 18
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
