just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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