Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
