So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
