Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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