i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
