I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
