I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
