This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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