I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
