I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
he laminated a picture of his dick.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
