matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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