I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
