: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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