I just pynch a tree in the face
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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