Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
