i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
