Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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