i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
