So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
