...so i touched it.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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