can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
