it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
