Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
