I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
This beer is not sobering me up at all
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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