??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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