I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
