OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
