kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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