last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Your penis caused this!
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
