one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
