I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
