But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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