i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
