im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
