You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
