Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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