can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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