a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
