On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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