dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Randomize
