I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
