May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He did a backflip because drugs
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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